Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Weighty Thoughts

I am a fat runner.

That's right.  Fat.

For a while, last year, after being off Seroquel for a while and on Saphris, I was normal, though as ultrarunners go, monsterous.

Right now?  After tearing the ligaments in my ankle and going delusional, I gained about 20lbs.  Which put me in the 'fat' thing again.

And I'm torn.

Running is easier lighter, and it's free speed.  For that reason, I want to drop weight.

But I hate that there are some runners who will always look at me sideways.  Who will think I'm new to running, when I might have more experience than them.

Maybe that doesn't matter.  Maybe that's my own insecurities.

But I read running blogs, where people talk about butterballs.

Toby has a well-regarded ultrarunner tell him at Sulphur, after meeting me (at the high end of normal, fat for a runner) that what he 'likes about these races is no fat chicks'.  And then, when a bigger woman walks by, says 'Well mostly'.

People always say triathletes are assholes.  That's not true.  Triathletes may be type-A, but they're honest about themselves.  Trail and ultrarunners are the liars who think they're all friendly open granola crunchers...when really they're just as much about type-A douchebaggery as a triathlete.

Sometimes, I say, give me a triathlete any day.  Don't get me wrong, I know lots of great trail runners, but I dislike being an outsider based on my looks.

Even if I lose the weight, to me, I'll always be a fat chick.


...when I finished 7th woman at Haliburton 50k last year, I stood at the finish line and watched runners thinner than me (remember, thin=free speed) finish after me and it felt so good.  I may be fat, but they're lacking something that can't be made up.  At least I can go on a diet.

1 comment:

  1. Hell yeah to all of this! You know I'm a little porkier than the average endurance athlete and far too sturdily built to ever be one of those willow-thin runner/triathlete chicks, but dammit my big fat ass & legs power me up hills that destroy the skinny bints! It really is fun to see thinner, fitter looking people finish long after me, but like they say "in every race you will be passed by a fat person, an old person and a woman - just try not to have them all be the same person". I know I get judged based on my appearance (not just the pudge, either), but feck 'em all - I'm out there having fun and working my amply-proportioned ass off same as anyone else. I don't pay for races to validate jerkoff attitudes; I do so because racing is awesome, and there are generally more good folks than assholes.
    Of course, when all else fails, TRUST THE CHUB!