I am a fat runner.
That's right. Fat.
For a while, last year, after being off Seroquel for a while and on Saphris, I was normal, though as ultrarunners go, monsterous.
Right now? After tearing the ligaments in my ankle and going delusional, I gained about 20lbs. Which put me in the 'fat' thing again.
And I'm torn.
Running is easier lighter, and it's free speed. For that reason, I want to drop weight.
But I hate that there are some runners who will always look at me sideways. Who will think I'm new to running, when I might have more experience than them.
Maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe that's my own insecurities.
But I read running blogs, where people talk about butterballs.
Toby has a well-regarded ultrarunner tell him at Sulphur, after meeting me (at the high end of normal, fat for a runner) that what he 'likes about these races is no fat chicks'. And then, when a bigger woman walks by, says 'Well mostly'.
People always say triathletes are assholes. That's not true. Triathletes may be type-A, but they're honest about themselves. Trail and ultrarunners are the liars who think they're all friendly open granola crunchers...when really they're just as much about type-A douchebaggery as a triathlete.
Sometimes, I say, give me a triathlete any day. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of great trail runners, but I dislike being an outsider based on my looks.
Even if I lose the weight, to me, I'll always be a fat chick.
AND FOR THE RECORD...
...when I finished 7th woman at Haliburton 50k last year, I stood at the finish line and watched runners thinner than me (remember, thin=free speed) finish after me and it felt so good. I may be fat, but they're lacking something that can't be made up. At least I can go on a diet.